The backpack saga, why does this always happen to me?

So I wanted a racket backpack for the days of the week I have my tennis class. I wanted it for multiple reasons, none of which are important to this story except to understand that I wanted a backpack not a bag.

So I search online and I don't find anything that I particularly like so today I ventured out to three stores to find what I was looking for. I learned a lesson today. All racket bags are ohmygod ugly but the designers of racket backpacks deserve a special level of hell.

Allow me to illustrate how ugly they are by showing you the one I did buy. Meaning this is the LEAST ugly one I saw so really you can only imagine what else is out there.


Yeah. I think you understand me now.

So I'm at store number two today and the guy comes up to see if I need any help, I explain that I'm looking for a racket backpack that isn't ugly. He agrees that none of the racket bags are all that attractive since they have huge logos and brand names plastered all over them. So then he kind of sheepishly says, "Well we have this line of fashion racket backpacks too." And points around the corner. I get my hopes a little bit up, walk around the corner, and see this:



I mean... What. The. Fuck.

Yes, you are looking at shiny, purple, fake crocodile. And yes, behind it you are seeing a red version, and beside it you are seeing a blue version and a yellow version. Even the black in the back couldn't come close to saving it.

The look on my face must have said it all because the sales guy said, "yeah, they aren't really any better." Better??? Aren't any better??? I think we can safely say these are so much worse the fact that they exist makes me fear for humanity.

Bedside Manner?

So I'm at the vet with Mozzie (annual checkup and rabies shot, nothing wrong) and the vet tech is trying to get his attention. Mozzie is completely ignoring him* as he does. So the vet tech asks, "Is he deaf?" I explained that we (the vet's office thinks Kailey and I are a couple) had originally thought that because he never reacted to loud noises but that he and I had "conversations" so I thought he could hear*. So he says, "Ok, white cats sometime have neurological problems and can show up as blindness or deafness." Then he walks out of the room.

Ummm. That's how you want to end this conversation? Say my cat might be crazy and then leave**?

*Ok, I think he actually might be kind of hard of hearing but I don't think he is completely deaf.

**I'm fairly sure he was just explaining why he was asking the question, not trying to freak me out. And yes, I know these problems run in all white animals of most species.

Reason Why I Don't Blog

So I found a folder in my email called "To Blog". In it was 4 pictures of Simon and Zoe. Not even very good pictures. I really hope I originally had a good story or something to go with them. sigh.

But anyway, the real reason for not blogging is that this is basically my life*


*The song, not so much the monkeys.
*And not including the "plans for tomorrow" part in the middle.

But I will admit to randomly choreographing dances in my living room if something catchy comes on.

See they really do play together

You'll have to excuse the state of the room. That is Kailey's room, blame her.

It is really only the first 45 seconds I just don't know how to edit the video down.

Way better than "Jerk Store"

Who here hasn't had a George Costanza moment where you come up with the super great come-back but like way too late? Ok, we all know "jerk store" is a terrible comeback but we know the feeling right?

I had the opposite moment. I actually said what I thought and it was HILARIOUS, I'm not sure the dude on the phone thought so but it was all I could do to not laugh, especially since saying it completely seriously was part of it's appeal.

(In case you can't tell his tone was getting increasingly rude and loud as the call went on)

Me: Austin Multi-Line Services
Dude: Hi Becky, this is Joe and I need to talk to you about your merchant services account.
Me: Oh sorry, Becky retired a few years ago. Would you like to speak with the new owner?
Dude: No. I need to talk to Becky.
Me: Well I'm sorry but she doesn't work here anymore, if it is about the company's merchant account then you should probably talk to the new owner.
Dude: No. Just give me Becky's number.
Me: I'm sorry, I can't do that.
Dude: Why not? I need to talk to her.
Me: Because we don't give out personal information about current or former employees.
Dude: Just give it to me.
Me: No. Sorry.
Dude: I need to talk to her.
Me: About her merchant account?
Dude: Yes! Give me her number.
Me: I still can't give it to you.
Dude (kinda yelling at this point): Well how do YOU suggest I get a hold of her if you won't give me the number?
Me: You could try an owl. They always seems to find who they are looking for.
Dude: .........
Dude: I'm going to give you my number and you tell her to call me. Write this down! 1-888-555-5555 (I don't remember the actual numbers). Got it???
Me: Sure.
Dude: You didn't write that down did you?
Me: Nope
Dude: *click*

I think the important part is that he didn't ask what the hell I was talking about so he must have understood the reference. I laughed pretty hard once I hung up the phone.

My First Laser Tag Experience

And I did not come in last. I was like 11th out of 14 people WHICH IS NOT LAST!

It reminded me of bumper cars in a way. I hate bumper cars. Let me clarify, I hate doing bumper cars with a bunch of people I don't know and I have never been in a situation where I was friends with all the other people in the other bumper cars. What is the point to bumping into a bunch of people you don't know? Seriously. Alliances can't be formed, smack talk doesn't happen, you can't yell at the person who just pinned you down in a corner (unless you're some kind of asshole). All you have is randomly bumping into someone and then awkward eye contact with a complete stranger. It's stupid. I guess some people enjoy that sort of thing but I am not one of them.

Luckily it was all going to be people I knew (well most of whom I met earlier that evening) but basically one big group of friends. That I can handle and thus, laser tag was fun. Sort of. Lets just say I enjoyed it but I'm not going to be organizing any parties any time soon.

Three random dudes showed up at right before we went in and joined our game. Apparently I never even encountered one of them in the "arena" since we never shot each other, either that or we are both terrible shots. One of them was a former Marine, Jason (the birthday boy) took it upon himself to "own" him. He was downright successful. Then he ran into Jason's dad (literally) and fell down. All in all, not exactly a commercial for the Marine Corps.

For the record I let the birthday boy beat me in laser tag because I had just schooled him in bowling earlier that evening (125-117). What second game? No there wasn't a second bowling game that I lost, I have no idea what you are talking about.

Josh was there too, I schooled him in bowling too.

What is the World Coming To?

The Pioneer Woman frequently gives away awesome things on her blog. I never win but I'm trying. Usually these giveaways consist of her asking a simple question like "what are you doing this weekend?" or "What's for dinner?" and then you answer in the comments and she chooses randomly from the comments. This week's question was "What is your favorite vegetable?" These were the top answers:

corn (8040)
asparagus (7411)
tomatoes (4861)
broccoli (4832)
potatoes (3333)
peppers (3284)
carrots (3080)
green beans (2855)
peas (2591)
squash (2392)
Brussels sprouts (2334)
zucchini (2293)
spinach (2014)
cucumbers (1782)
artichokes (1693)
onions (1561)
avocados (1502)
sweet potatoes (1276)
mushrooms (1169)
okra (971)

The NUMBER ONE chosen "vegetable" is not a vegetable. There are others on this list, tomatoes & avocados obviously, potatoes (arguable about if "tubers" are considered root vegetables many people do) but the one that really REALLY kills me is mushrooms. 1169 people picked mushrooms as their favorite vegetable. What is the world coming to?

For the Record

I vacuumed yesterday. Just fyi. No More cricket.

Learn Something New Every Day

Today I saw a Sara Lee delivery truck. Turns out the slogan is "Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee" instead of the "Nobody does it like Sara Lee" that I always thought it was.

This reminds me of playing Rock Band and singing the lyrics to "You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morissette. I always thought the line was "The cross eyed bear that you gave to me." But it's not. I blame this on being young when I first heard the song and not really being able to wrap my head around a cross bearing reference whereas a funny looking teddy bear? Now that made sense.

I also noticed (about a year ago) that the Sun Microsystems logo actually says SUN. It isn't just a bunch of squiggly lines.

There is a dead cricket in my room

It is under a shoe. I didn't kill it with the shoe, it was already dead when I found it. I imagine Mozzie actually performed some sort of normal cat function in between licking my pillows and leaping over Simon's head repeatedly in an effort to elicit a game of chase. I just don't like picking up dead bugs, it really grosses me out, so I put a shoe on top of it until I decide to vacuum.

This presents more problems see we have a canister vacuum. I don't like canister vacuums. So the already moderate chance that I would vacuum in the near future is significantly lessened. I guess it will just have to stay under the shoe for a while longer.

The other problem is that the animals like to wrestle in the area of said shoe so sometimes it gets knocked out of position. During one such match the cricket lost a leg. I put a shoe over it. It wasn't even the pair to the first shoe. Now that is two pairs of shoes I can't wear until I vacuum. Good thing I have a lot of shoes.

What's Up?

Yeah, it's been a while, I know. I'm having trouble writing up a single post about something so here is a quick rundown.

- I got "ma'am-ed" at the grocery store this weekend but then the guy asked if chicken broth was the same thing as cream of chicken soup. I'm not sure if the fact that he was easily in his mid to late 30's makes it more sad or more adorable that he had no idea what chicken broth was.

- Kailey left last week. This means that you are probably going to get more random blogging again because there isn't a person here when I get home to tell all the silly stories to. It also means I have these two knuckleheads and I am the only girl:


- I did my first craft fair on Saturday and I think it was a huge success so I'm definitely excited about doing more of them. I absolutely could not have done it without Josh's help. He carried lots of heavy things, helped me put up my tent, and took care of Simon all day while I was working.

I Have Awesome Friends

You should think about getting awesome friends.

Remember when I said I got new business cards? Well they look like this



I decided it was finally time to replace the banner and avatar I've been using on the selling sites because the ones I had were crap. Ok, maybe crap is a strong word but I did the banner myself in photoshop and my photoshop skills are kind of lacking so yeah, crap probably isn't too strong a word. So I sent a request over to Kristin and demanded awesome! I mean I demanded in a nice way (right Kristin?). Well it doesn't matter because she came through, just as I expected.





I'm madly in love with both but for some reason the little avatar makes me want to giggle with glee every time I look at it.

And all of this was perfect timing because I just made some new products, little change purses and I'm super excited about them too.

Well, Monday was February 14th and we all know what that means!

Simon's Birthday!! Someone turned the big Zero Four!


I baked a cake. It was peanut butter and carrot and the dogs loved it. We also thought it was pretty tasty. It tasted like a peanut butter cookie except it was cake. So, I have a pretty healthy cake recipe if anyone needs it.

Simon about to enjoy his cake


Simon chasing his friend Cornelius Fudge


Zoe and Alfie taking a break to get some loves


Yeah, the pictures aren't great but if you think wrangling kids at a birthday party is hard you should try wrangling dogs at a birthday party. Also my phone was dying so I was trying to take as many as I could before it bit the dust.

Just Believe Me

I have wanted to blog about this for a little while because I am utterly astounded by it BUT I was afraid that by blogging about it you might just become curious and then go against my wishes soooooo please please please PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE just believe me when I tell you...

DO NOT READ THE VAMPIRE DIARIES

DO NOT READ THE VAMPIRE DIARIES

DO NOT READ THE VAMPIRE DIARIES

These are horrible books. Really, really horrible books that were made into a pretty awesome TV show. By all means, watch the TV version but I cannot, for the life of me, see how someone was inspired by the utter crap that is the books. By the end, I was barely reading the dialog (because it made my eyes vomit), mostly I was just skimming for plot.

Problem 1: There are four "books" in this series.
Except there aren't four books, there are two books. The first three books are all one story that it seems like someone thought was too long so they threw darts at the book to determine where they would cut it to make three books (and probably more money). See books in a series should each have their own beginning, middle, and end. While you carry characters, major plots and themes throughout the series each book has to be its own story! You can't stop in the middle of a scene and call that a "cliff-hanger" it doesn't work like that. Besides, if you really wanted a cliff-hanger you should have ended Book 2 about a chapter later, right after newly-turned vampire Elena says she loves Damon. That ruse is only maintained for like 3 chapters in book 2, so basically its ONLY purpose is to be cliff-hangery but since you correct it so fast there is nothing cliff-hangery about it!

Problem 2: Have you met a teenager before?
17 year old girls do not wear ribbons in their hair. 17 year old girls who are the queen of their school do not spend an entire paragraph choosing what color ribbon to wear in their hair on the first day of school. 17 year old girls do not refer to themselves as the queen of their school and they don't talk about their friends as their royal court. They really don't take blood oaths to help the queen get the new hot boy in school to be her boyfriend.

They don't say things like, "You snubbed me in public multiple times!" snubbed? really? or "I don't know if I'm close to him. He puts up walls that no one can break down." That one was attributed to a 17 year old football star. Sorry folks, teenagers (and most adults) are not this self-aware.

Problem 3: The fourth book is stupid, and by far the best one.
The main character DIES at the end of the third book. DIES!!!! So you have her come back in visions to her psychic best friend? No. If you want to write four books don't kill off your main character in book three. This is like basic writing 101. Why? because it makes it seem like you only wanted to write three books but people didn't like that Elena died so as an afterthought you wrote a fourth book. It is stupid. God, the only thing that could make it worse would be if you somehow brought her back to life at the end of the book, oh wait... you did.

Yeah, I gave away the endings and I did it without warning you. Why? Because I don't want you to read these books. Now you know they are terrible AND you know the ending so there is absolutely no reason for you to read them. Ever.

These are our Children

So Simon and Mozzie are sitting on the couch together like brothers who love each other so I decide to take a picture.



Zoe was standing right next to me so I tell her to get up in the shot. Amazingly she instantly complies!!! But then she just does this...



Sigh.

Although, you gotta love the look on Simon's face with this going on next to him.

It's 2011 Y'All!

I do have resolutions but I'm not going to tell you what they are. Telling you what they are would mean admitting I have faults and I think we all know I'm not great at that...maybe that should be a resolution? Plus this way when I don't keep them I won't have to tell you that too.

Mostly I just hope that 2011 ends with me having a job since (if all goes according to plan) I will be ending the year with a college degree. So, a job. I should be able to handle that. Right?

I do plan on keeping track of the books I read this year (this should be easy with my brand new kindle!!). I know most of you don't care but I actually really enjoy reading the book lists that others write up (I'm look at you Holly!) because I'm always looking for something to read. Mine should be an interesting mix of the classics - because they are free - and stuff with vampires with some young adult (probably with vampires) thrown in.

I also plan on winning at least one thing from pioneer woman this year. I think this will be the hardest one to keep.

I also plan to cook more this year. I think I was starting to do a little better in 2009 and fell off the wagon a bit in 2010. So watch out Kailey! I'll be bringing meat into the house because I can't live off of fish alone. I took pictures of some recipes in books last time we were at half price books (yes, even at half price I'm not buying the whole book for two recipes) so maybe I'll start with those.

After reading back through this post I think I might also want to look into limiting the number of parenthetical comments I make on my own blog.

Ok just one real one. Kailey I'm going to get through all 9 weeks of couch to 5k so feel free to give me a dirty look if I object to going to the gym.