The backpack saga, why does this always happen to me?

So I wanted a racket backpack for the days of the week I have my tennis class. I wanted it for multiple reasons, none of which are important to this story except to understand that I wanted a backpack not a bag.

So I search online and I don't find anything that I particularly like so today I ventured out to three stores to find what I was looking for. I learned a lesson today. All racket bags are ohmygod ugly but the designers of racket backpacks deserve a special level of hell.

Allow me to illustrate how ugly they are by showing you the one I did buy. Meaning this is the LEAST ugly one I saw so really you can only imagine what else is out there.


Yeah. I think you understand me now.

So I'm at store number two today and the guy comes up to see if I need any help, I explain that I'm looking for a racket backpack that isn't ugly. He agrees that none of the racket bags are all that attractive since they have huge logos and brand names plastered all over them. So then he kind of sheepishly says, "Well we have this line of fashion racket backpacks too." And points around the corner. I get my hopes a little bit up, walk around the corner, and see this:



I mean... What. The. Fuck.

Yes, you are looking at shiny, purple, fake crocodile. And yes, behind it you are seeing a red version, and beside it you are seeing a blue version and a yellow version. Even the black in the back couldn't come close to saving it.

The look on my face must have said it all because the sales guy said, "yeah, they aren't really any better." Better??? Aren't any better??? I think we can safely say these are so much worse the fact that they exist makes me fear for humanity.

Bedside Manner?

So I'm at the vet with Mozzie (annual checkup and rabies shot, nothing wrong) and the vet tech is trying to get his attention. Mozzie is completely ignoring him* as he does. So the vet tech asks, "Is he deaf?" I explained that we (the vet's office thinks Kailey and I are a couple) had originally thought that because he never reacted to loud noises but that he and I had "conversations" so I thought he could hear*. So he says, "Ok, white cats sometime have neurological problems and can show up as blindness or deafness." Then he walks out of the room.

Ummm. That's how you want to end this conversation? Say my cat might be crazy and then leave**?

*Ok, I think he actually might be kind of hard of hearing but I don't think he is completely deaf.

**I'm fairly sure he was just explaining why he was asking the question, not trying to freak me out. And yes, I know these problems run in all white animals of most species.

Reason Why I Don't Blog

So I found a folder in my email called "To Blog". In it was 4 pictures of Simon and Zoe. Not even very good pictures. I really hope I originally had a good story or something to go with them. sigh.

But anyway, the real reason for not blogging is that this is basically my life*


*The song, not so much the monkeys.
*And not including the "plans for tomorrow" part in the middle.

But I will admit to randomly choreographing dances in my living room if something catchy comes on.

See they really do play together

You'll have to excuse the state of the room. That is Kailey's room, blame her.

It is really only the first 45 seconds I just don't know how to edit the video down.

Way better than "Jerk Store"

Who here hasn't had a George Costanza moment where you come up with the super great come-back but like way too late? Ok, we all know "jerk store" is a terrible comeback but we know the feeling right?

I had the opposite moment. I actually said what I thought and it was HILARIOUS, I'm not sure the dude on the phone thought so but it was all I could do to not laugh, especially since saying it completely seriously was part of it's appeal.

(In case you can't tell his tone was getting increasingly rude and loud as the call went on)

Me: Austin Multi-Line Services
Dude: Hi Becky, this is Joe and I need to talk to you about your merchant services account.
Me: Oh sorry, Becky retired a few years ago. Would you like to speak with the new owner?
Dude: No. I need to talk to Becky.
Me: Well I'm sorry but she doesn't work here anymore, if it is about the company's merchant account then you should probably talk to the new owner.
Dude: No. Just give me Becky's number.
Me: I'm sorry, I can't do that.
Dude: Why not? I need to talk to her.
Me: Because we don't give out personal information about current or former employees.
Dude: Just give it to me.
Me: No. Sorry.
Dude: I need to talk to her.
Me: About her merchant account?
Dude: Yes! Give me her number.
Me: I still can't give it to you.
Dude (kinda yelling at this point): Well how do YOU suggest I get a hold of her if you won't give me the number?
Me: You could try an owl. They always seems to find who they are looking for.
Dude: .........
Dude: I'm going to give you my number and you tell her to call me. Write this down! 1-888-555-5555 (I don't remember the actual numbers). Got it???
Me: Sure.
Dude: You didn't write that down did you?
Me: Nope
Dude: *click*

I think the important part is that he didn't ask what the hell I was talking about so he must have understood the reference. I laughed pretty hard once I hung up the phone.

My First Laser Tag Experience

And I did not come in last. I was like 11th out of 14 people WHICH IS NOT LAST!

It reminded me of bumper cars in a way. I hate bumper cars. Let me clarify, I hate doing bumper cars with a bunch of people I don't know and I have never been in a situation where I was friends with all the other people in the other bumper cars. What is the point to bumping into a bunch of people you don't know? Seriously. Alliances can't be formed, smack talk doesn't happen, you can't yell at the person who just pinned you down in a corner (unless you're some kind of asshole). All you have is randomly bumping into someone and then awkward eye contact with a complete stranger. It's stupid. I guess some people enjoy that sort of thing but I am not one of them.

Luckily it was all going to be people I knew (well most of whom I met earlier that evening) but basically one big group of friends. That I can handle and thus, laser tag was fun. Sort of. Lets just say I enjoyed it but I'm not going to be organizing any parties any time soon.

Three random dudes showed up at right before we went in and joined our game. Apparently I never even encountered one of them in the "arena" since we never shot each other, either that or we are both terrible shots. One of them was a former Marine, Jason (the birthday boy) took it upon himself to "own" him. He was downright successful. Then he ran into Jason's dad (literally) and fell down. All in all, not exactly a commercial for the Marine Corps.

For the record I let the birthday boy beat me in laser tag because I had just schooled him in bowling earlier that evening (125-117). What second game? No there wasn't a second bowling game that I lost, I have no idea what you are talking about.

Josh was there too, I schooled him in bowling too.

What is the World Coming To?

The Pioneer Woman frequently gives away awesome things on her blog. I never win but I'm trying. Usually these giveaways consist of her asking a simple question like "what are you doing this weekend?" or "What's for dinner?" and then you answer in the comments and she chooses randomly from the comments. This week's question was "What is your favorite vegetable?" These were the top answers:

corn (8040)
asparagus (7411)
tomatoes (4861)
broccoli (4832)
potatoes (3333)
peppers (3284)
carrots (3080)
green beans (2855)
peas (2591)
squash (2392)
Brussels sprouts (2334)
zucchini (2293)
spinach (2014)
cucumbers (1782)
artichokes (1693)
onions (1561)
avocados (1502)
sweet potatoes (1276)
mushrooms (1169)
okra (971)

The NUMBER ONE chosen "vegetable" is not a vegetable. There are others on this list, tomatoes & avocados obviously, potatoes (arguable about if "tubers" are considered root vegetables many people do) but the one that really REALLY kills me is mushrooms. 1169 people picked mushrooms as their favorite vegetable. What is the world coming to?